Now that you have written a great message title and gotten the girl to click on your email. What should you say inside the message? How can you make yourself standout in her growing inbox of other male suitors? How can you take it from the online dating site inbox to an outside messaging platform like Skype, WhatsApp, or Viber? These are all good online dating questions.

Let’s start with the message content. You could say any number of things. I’ve gotten many different variations of messages. They ranged from the obscene to the typical “How are you?” to interrogation style online dating questions. Most of them, I just deleted within seconds.

7 Things Not to Put in Your Email

I think the best thing to do is to avoid putting certain things in your email that will get your message deleted right away. Here are the top 7 things to avoid when emailing her for the first time:

  1. Don’t send any photos with too much skin. For example, don’t send photos of yourself without any shirt on. Don’t send photos of yourself wearing Speedos. For sure don’t send any penis photos. I delete and block instantly when I get those. Remember that Filipinas are conservative. Besides, those photos are available everywhere online. Big turn off.
  2. Don’t make sexual innuendos. Remember that you are strangers at this point. Don’t creep her out.
  3. Don’t use bad grammar or use texting style writing. For example, this will not get my positive attention: “u looks so find, wanna chat it up?”
  4. Don’t interrogate her. I’ve received first contact emails that read like a job interview. Keep it simple and fun. Remember that this is a prelude to a dance.
  5. Don’t be obvious. If you read her profile and write something like this then you are being obvious: “I read your profile and see that you live in Cebu. It is a nice city in the Philippines. It also looks like you are 27. I like that age.”
  6. Don’t be praise her too much. Out of 349 emails that she gets per day, you would be praise number 350. It gets numbing after awhile. Don’t get me wrong. It is good to give her a compliment. But you must do it in such a way that it is genuine and stands out. More on this later.
  7. Don’t be boring. If you are cutting and pasting your message to different girls, then you are boring. If you just state the facts, then you are boring. If you don’t infuse your message with wit, charm, and humor, you are boring.

So what should you be saying in that first contact email message? Based on all the emails that I’ve actually opened and read from guys trying to get my attention, I would say this:

Wit. Intrigue. Flirtation.

  1. Wit. Show some wit in what you write. You can be clever with your words. You can be cute in your story telling. You can be humorous. Girls are into fun guys. If you can show that you can be light hearted and fun, she will open up to you. It will set the mood for follow-up emails. You will likely find that she will play right along with you in terms of wit and humor.
  2. Intrigue. Make her curious about you or your story. Remember how I showed you to use a good headline for your email? Now continue the headline with a good story. Show continuity from headline to message body. For example, if you headline was “Bad news”, follow that up with why you said “Bad news.”
  3. Flirtation. The nice thing about both of you being on a dating site is that you are there to get a date. Unlike Facebook or other social media sites, the whole purpose of an online dating site is for people to meetup romantically. So with that in mind, learn how to flirt with words. You can augment your words with emoticons and images too, but what you say and how you say it will make a big difference. Be playful with what you say. Set the tone with that first message. Show that you are confident yet vulnerable. Women like confident men but they also want to see that you have a soft spot.

So there you have it. I have answered your online dating questions with some important Do’s and Don’ts. If you want to discover exactly what to say to get a Filipina’s attention and positive response, sign up for my email list. There I will reveal to you some real life examples of flirtation techniques that combine wit, humor and intrigue. All this comes to you from a Real Pinay of course.

About Maria

Maria Peña is people connector. She created Real Pinay to connect foreigners with authentic Filipinas for friendship, romance, and perhaps even marriage.





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