This guide is about how to get noticed and eventually have an online conversation with a girl. I wrote this guide because as a girl, I see that guys kind of have it wrong in terms of making that first contact. What you say and how you say it matters a lot to a girl. This is especially true during the first two exchanges.

There are many for “How to start a conversation with a girl meme” online. There are many for a reason. That kind of stuff happens.

The base message of these memes is never start with a simple “Hi” when you are trying to get a girl’s attention online. Is this true? I think so. Let me explain why.

First you have to understand the inbox realities of a girl’s profile and a guy’s profile. I’m talking about profiles that people create on dating sites. But hey, this is also true for any sort of online profile.

The reality is:  A girl with a halfway decent profile picture will get a ton more messages than a guy with a more than halfway decent profile picture.

This is what our inboxes look like in our online dating accounts.

You guys have an uphill battle to get your messages read. You guys have an uphill battle to even get noticed. Most of the time, I just delete my messages without reading them because the inbox grows so fast.

So what do you do to get that edge when you PM a girl’s profile? I can’t speak for all girls, but I can certainly tell you what gets my attention. I can probably tell you what gets the attention of my girlfriends too. So take these tips as you wish.

  1. Get a good profile setup for yourself. Be as complete as possible when filling out the sections about yourself. Write a grammatically correct paragraph about what you are looking for in an ideal girl. A good profile is important before you message us because we will do a quick check of your profile to see if you are real and not fake.
  2. Upload good to great pictures. Avoid taking a selfie with your phone at arm’s length because it will make your face look fat. Also don’t upload a photo of yourself where you are only a tiny speck in a landscape. Wear nice clothes. Cargo shorts and a plaid shirt are big turnoffs. Look like you are there to take us on a date. Remember we want to see how you look like so we can make a snap decision about whether you are interesting enough or not to reply too.
  3. When you see a girl’s picture that you like, don’t just send an interest or a heart. That gets you nowhere. Make an effort to write a grammatically correct message.
  4. Start your message with a good headline. Remember that the headline is what she will see first. Make it short and witty. Unusual but not weird. Don’t creep her out. Here are some headlines from my inbox that made me click and read the message:
    - Last email
    - Bad news
    - SURPRISE:)
    - Dumb Mistake
  5. After you get the open, you need to keep her interest. Keep it short but sincere. Don’t tell your life story yet. She doesn’t want to hear it right now. Start with a sincere compliment. But don’t over do it. And don’t compliment her on the same thing that 239 other guys have complimented her on before. That won’t get you noticed. She will simply delete your email. I know I would.
  6. Then you wait. If you did it right, she will reply. If you did it wrong, make your approach better with the next girl.

So what do you do next when you get her to reply? How do you keep the conversation going and move it to the next stage? Good questions.

I will have some good answers for you in my next article.

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About Maria

Maria Peña is people connector. She created Real Pinay to connect foreigners with authentic Filipinas for friendship, romance, and perhaps even marriage.

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