Posts Categorised: Dating

Many of my more daring readers have asked me how to ask their online Filipina for her naked picture.  If I were more prudish, I would find that a really shocking question. Certainly, when guys ask me for my naked picture while chatting, I would be totally put off. This ranks right up there with the guy sending me his unsolicited naked picture. A normal girl would hit the BLOCK button so fast it would leave The Flash in the dust.

First let me say that there is nothing wrong with nude pictures.  A well done body can be a work of art. It’s just that most women find it weird that a guy would obsess with pouring his eyes over a woman’s body in 2D.  Make it doubly true in a conservative culture like the Philippines.

Look at it another way. You’re on a dating site. You are chatting with many potential partners. The guy is chatting with several women at once while he is narrowing down the field. The girl is chatting with many guys in her inbox as she gets to know each one so she can decide whom to pick as the one that she truly likes. Then some random guy asks her to send him her naked pictures. If that guy expects her to share with him her naked pictures, doesn’t he suppose that fifteen other guys may have the same request? If she honors that request several times, she would have exposed herself to many guys, all in a short period of time. What kind of crazy chick would do that? It’s like walking into Central Park and opening your kimono. Nuts! And yet, there are guys that ask all the time.

Furthermore, what kind of guy would want his potential girlfriend to send naked pictures of herself to every guy that asks? Nuts again!

Don’t Be That Guy

So my advice as a chick is this:  D-o-n’t B-e T-h-a-t G-u-y!

Don’t be that guy that she blocks after the first or second or third or fourth message.

Don’t be that guy that makes her stereotype all guys as jerks.

Don’t be that guy that forces her to run away and delete her online profile.

Right Way and Wrong Way

Remember how I said that there is nothing wrong with nude pictures? I’m sure you do.

There is a smart way and a lame way to go about getting her to feel that you are the one that she will be intimate with. When I say intimate, I don’t mean sex at this point. I mean to have a genuine connection.

The lame way is to beg, cajole, demand, or otherwise force it. For me, that never works. I have no idea why some guys continue to do this when all they are doing is making themselves look like jerks. We won’t spend anymore time talking about the lame way. You know who you are.

The smart way is to seduce her over time with words. Get to know her first. Use humor. Be witty. Use your charm. Make her feel that you are interested in everything about her. Ask questions in a fun way. Give insightful answers about yourself. Give and take as you would in any normal conversation.

When you use humor, keep them neutral at first. Don’t go straight to dirty humor. That is a recipe for being blocked too.

Here’s an example of one that I blocked:

“Welcome to my loving world baby.”

First of all, what the heck is your “loving world”? Second of all, I am not your “baby”. You need to earn that. BLOCK.

Here is an example of one that passed the witty humor filter:

He wrote —

“Bad News.

I noticed in your profile that you are 11’4”.  I am only 5’9”. I may be too short to look into your eyes. That’s bad news for me.

The good news is that I don’t discriminate on height.”

When I saw that message, I immediately realized that I may have flipped my vital statistic in my online profile. He made me stop and think. Then he made me curious because he showed some wit.

Notice how he slyly added a hint of romance by saying that he couldn’t look into my eyes because of the height differential. When a guy tells me that he wants to look into my eyes, I sense that he is a romantic guy. I love that. Girls love that.

Next he ends the message with a positive note. He said that he is an open guy and is willing to accept me as I am. This is an important point:  Most girls are insecure. We want our prince charming to accept us as we are. We always feel that we are lacking in some way. It is just the way it is with us. Even the most beautiful woman in the world feels insecure at times. When a guy shows that he accepts her as-is, he gets a check in the plus column.

From this short message, this guy has successfully peeled one layer of skin from this onion.

Do This Over and Over Again

I just explained to how to use humor, wit, charm, and a genuine sense of wanting to know more about her as the smart way to have her become more intimate with you. It works. You should do it. I know because I am seduced by it when the right guy does it on me.

Keep in mind, though, that seduction is a dance. You have to learn the steps, then you have to practice, then you have to dance the whole dance. You need to keep her engaged with your charm, and words, and wit over and over again. Eventually you will get to know her better. She will know you better. She will begin to mimic your dance steps. Soon both of you will be in step with the way you communicate.

If you are humorous and like to tell certain types of funny stories, she will do the same when she communicates with you. Both of you will have fun. You will look forward to chatting with each other everyday.

Over time, as the layers of her onion peels off, you will be able to add more color to your humor and chat. You can begin to say things that won’t offend.

For example, if she compliments you on your good looks, you can say, “I think you have a sweet tongue.. But I’m not sure so can I taste it?”

She will likely reply in one of two ways to this innuendo:

  1. If you haven’t adequately worked your way up to this level of innuendo yet or if she is extra conservative, she may reply, “Hmmm. I’m not sure how to respond to that.”
  2. She will reply in lock step with you, “Haha. You can try if you get over here.”

Either way, you would have made progress with her. Do this enough and over time she will begin to really care about you. If you are lucky, she will even fall for you. And when she does fall for you… You will no longer need to ask. You will get that picture.

Good luck with your chatter of love guys. For more detailed tips on how to seduce your Filipina and make her have a “wordgasm”, sign up for my newsletter. I promise you that there is much more to share from this Real Pinay.

Communicating in the Chat App

You have made contact with the girl that you fancy. She opens your emails. You’ve messaged back and forth a few times. The two of you have managed to keep a discussion going through several emails. Congratulations. You have a small bond. Now it is time to move to a more convenient messaging platform.

Filipinas mainly use the following 3 messaging apps. They are Skype, WhatsApp and Viber. Each messaging app works on a smartphone that runs on Android or iOS.  They are useful because they are made for chat. They may also be necessary because the Filipina will likely only have a phone and not a laptop. It may be difficult for her to compose messages inside the cumbersome dating site.

If you have a smartphone, it is easy to download these chat apps. Go to the Google Play Store or Apple App Store and search for those apps by name. For example, type “WhatsApp” and you will see the app show up as a selection for installation. These apps are free to install. I have included a screenshot of WhatsApp as it appears in the Google Play Store.

WhatsApp will require your mobile phone number. The app is tied to that number.

Next up is Viber. You can see the screenshot of the Viber app as it appears in the Google Play Store. Viber is also tied to a phone number.

Finally, there is the original messaging app called Skype. You can download Skype for free just like the other apps. Skype works on a username. When you ask her for her Skype, she will give you her username. You will need to search for it in your Skype account under the add contact.

Who Adds Whom?

Since you are the guy, the Filipina will ask you to find and add her. It is rare that she will ask for your info. So the best thing to do is to ask her what app she uses. It can be as simple as this:

“Do you have Skype or Viber or WhatsApp?”

If she likes you, she will give you her info and ask you to add her.

Here is how to add her on WhatsApp:

Hee is how to add her on Viber:

Here is how to add her on Skype:

Communicating in the Chat App

After you begin chatting in the messaging app, you will discover that the communication will go alot faster. You have the added ability to share graphics and pictures. This is where you can begin to exchange more pictures. You can even make a voice call or a video call with her within the app for free.

Now that you’ve made it past the first couple of email interactions, don’t think you are home free with her yet.  You see, women have this natural classification process in our minds regarding guys that we meet. They are either boyfriend material or they are simply a guy friend. If you fall into the guy friend, you have entered the friend zone. Usually there is no escaping from there.

It is not logical. We are not making this classification on the conscious level. We just do it. So if you want to increase your chance of falling into the boyfriend category, pay attention to these tips.

Friend Zone Avoidance Tip 1:

Project Yourself as a Confident Man.  Remember that you are supposed to be the stronger sex. You are supposed to lead when we dance. You are supposed to be the first to ask us on a date.  You are supposed to have the better job and the bigger paycheck so always pick up the tab. Don’t be wishy-washy. Act like you can sweep us up from our feet at any time. And yes, I do mean that literally.

Friend Zone Avoidance Tip 2:

Show That You Want Her.  This one is tougher than it seems because you need to balance two things. You want to show her that you want her but you cannot come across as a creep or too desperate. First of all, you will have to show her that you are interested in her as a woman. You are interested in her smile, in her lips, in her curves, in her breasts, in her smell.  If you don’t show her or let her know, then you will be just a guy who only sees her as a buddy or worst yet, his sister. Us girls need to know.  How you show us is another matter. You need to time it so that all your manly desires don’t come out all at once. Women need to be charmed into it.

Friend Zone Avoidance Tip 3:

Have Some Sex Appeal.  Look, this might come as a surprise to you guys, but girls like eye candy too. Before you get the wrong idea, I am not talking about penis pictures. Those are gross if you just put it out there. Imagine walking into the middle of the street and unzipping your fly to let it all hang out. Who does that, right? Moving on… What I mean by eye candy is a guy who projects masculinity. If you have the body of the guys in the movie 300, yeah, that would be a bonus. But even if you don’t, you can act like a man. Real men are responsible. They hold a steady job. They show up on time. They keep their promises. They don’t gossip. They are respectful but they are not shy. They know what they want, when they what it, and they go after it. They have interests and hobbies. They work out. This last part is important. Even if you are chubby, start working out regularly. Show respect to your body. Be disciplined in what you eat. By doing that you definitely increase your sex appeal.

Friend Zone Avoidance Tip 4:

Don’t Let Her Talk About Other Guys.  As soon as she shares any info with you about another guy, you are on the edge of the friend zone. You see, we girls talk to our friends about our relationships all the time.  With our BFF, we share every intimate detail. Our friends and sisters are our support network. They help us cope and deal with all the winding roads and pathways of a relationship. If we start to share this stuff with another guy, then we consider that guy as our guy friend. This would be bad for you if you wanted to be our boyfriend.  The best thing to do is to follow Tip 2 and let your desires be known.

These 4 Friend Zone Avoidance tips should keep you on the narrow path towards becoming her boyfriend and lover rather than her BFF. Now what happens if you did fall into the friend zone? Is there a way out?

Honestly, once I consider you as a friend, it will be very difficult for me to unfriend you so to speak. At that point, I see you more as my gay friend or worst yet, my brother. No one wants to have sex with their gay friend or their brother. There is simply no sex appeal. Remember Tip 3.

The best thing to do at that point is to simply move on. Some guys have tried to hang on and move from the friend zone to the boyfriend, but by that point, I have moved on as well to a manly man.

Now you may ask how can you tell if a girl has placed you in the friend zone. One sign to look for is that when you chat, she replies with emojis. Check out the example text below.

Hope this helps guys. For more real life tips from a Real Pinay on how to secure the Filipina girl of your dreams, sign up to my email list.  There I will share other signs that you have entered the friend zone and how to avoid that pitfall if you want to be her boyfriend.

Now that you have written a great message title and gotten the girl to click on your email. What should you say inside the message? How can you make yourself standout in her growing inbox of other male suitors? How can you take it from the online dating site inbox to an outside messaging platform like Skype, WhatsApp, or Viber? These are all good online dating questions.

Let’s start with the message content. You could say any number of things. I’ve gotten many different variations of messages. They ranged from the obscene to the typical “How are you?” to interrogation style online dating questions. Most of them, I just deleted within seconds.

7 Things Not to Put in Your Email

I think the best thing to do is to avoid putting certain things in your email that will get your message deleted right away. Here are the top 7 things to avoid when emailing her for the first time:

  1. Don’t send any photos with too much skin. For example, don’t send photos of yourself without any shirt on. Don’t send photos of yourself wearing Speedos. For sure don’t send any penis photos. I delete and block instantly when I get those. Remember that Filipinas are conservative. Besides, those photos are available everywhere online. Big turn off.
  2. Don’t make sexual innuendos. Remember that you are strangers at this point. Don’t creep her out.
  3. Don’t use bad grammar or use texting style writing. For example, this will not get my positive attention: “u looks so find, wanna chat it up?”
  4. Don’t interrogate her. I’ve received first contact emails that read like a job interview. Keep it simple and fun. Remember that this is a prelude to a dance.
  5. Don’t be obvious. If you read her profile and write something like this then you are being obvious: “I read your profile and see that you live in Cebu. It is a nice city in the Philippines. It also looks like you are 27. I like that age.”
  6. Don’t be praise her too much. Out of 349 emails that she gets per day, you would be praise number 350. It gets numbing after awhile. Don’t get me wrong. It is good to give her a compliment. But you must do it in such a way that it is genuine and stands out. More on this later.
  7. Don’t be boring. If you are cutting and pasting your message to different girls, then you are boring. If you just state the facts, then you are boring. If you don’t infuse your message with wit, charm, and humor, you are boring.

So what should you be saying in that first contact email message? Based on all the emails that I’ve actually opened and read from guys trying to get my attention, I would say this:

Wit. Intrigue. Flirtation.

  1. Wit. Show some wit in what you write. You can be clever with your words. You can be cute in your story telling. You can be humorous. Girls are into fun guys. If you can show that you can be light hearted and fun, she will open up to you. It will set the mood for follow-up emails. You will likely find that she will play right along with you in terms of wit and humor.
  2. Intrigue. Make her curious about you or your story. Remember how I showed you to use a good headline for your email? Now continue the headline with a good story. Show continuity from headline to message body. For example, if you headline was “Bad news”, follow that up with why you said “Bad news.”
  3. Flirtation. The nice thing about both of you being on a dating site is that you are there to get a date. Unlike Facebook or other social media sites, the whole purpose of an online dating site is for people to meetup romantically. So with that in mind, learn how to flirt with words. You can augment your words with emoticons and images too, but what you say and how you say it will make a big difference. Be playful with what you say. Set the tone with that first message. Show that you are confident yet vulnerable. Women like confident men but they also want to see that you have a soft spot.

So there you have it. I have answered your online dating questions with some important Do’s and Don’ts. If you want to discover exactly what to say to get a Filipina’s attention and positive response, sign up for my email list. There I will reveal to you some real life examples of flirtation techniques that combine wit, humor and intrigue. All this comes to you from a Real Pinay of course.

This guide is about how to get noticed and eventually have an online conversation with a girl. I wrote this guide because as a girl, I see that guys kind of have it wrong in terms of making that first contact. What you say and how you say it matters a lot to a girl. This is especially true during the first two exchanges.

There are many for “How to start a conversation with a girl meme” online. There are many for a reason. That kind of stuff happens.

The base message of these memes is never start with a simple “Hi” when you are trying to get a girl’s attention online. Is this true? I think so. Let me explain why.

First you have to understand the inbox realities of a girl’s profile and a guy’s profile. I’m talking about profiles that people create on dating sites. But hey, this is also true for any sort of online profile.

The reality is:  A girl with a halfway decent profile picture will get a ton more messages than a guy with a more than halfway decent profile picture.

This is what our inboxes look like in our online dating accounts.

You guys have an uphill battle to get your messages read. You guys have an uphill battle to even get noticed. Most of the time, I just delete my messages without reading them because the inbox grows so fast.

So what do you do to get that edge when you PM a girl’s profile? I can’t speak for all girls, but I can certainly tell you what gets my attention. I can probably tell you what gets the attention of my girlfriends too. So take these tips as you wish.

  1. Get a good profile setup for yourself. Be as complete as possible when filling out the sections about yourself. Write a grammatically correct paragraph about what you are looking for in an ideal girl. A good profile is important before you message us because we will do a quick check of your profile to see if you are real and not fake.
  2. Upload good to great pictures. Avoid taking a selfie with your phone at arm’s length because it will make your face look fat. Also don’t upload a photo of yourself where you are only a tiny speck in a landscape. Wear nice clothes. Cargo shorts and a plaid shirt are big turnoffs. Look like you are there to take us on a date. Remember we want to see how you look like so we can make a snap decision about whether you are interesting enough or not to reply too.
  3. When you see a girl’s picture that you like, don’t just send an interest or a heart. That gets you nowhere. Make an effort to write a grammatically correct message.
  4. Start your message with a good headline. Remember that the headline is what she will see first. Make it short and witty. Unusual but not weird. Don’t creep her out. Here are some headlines from my inbox that made me click and read the message:
    – Last email
    – Bad news
    – SURPRISE:)
    – Dumb Mistake
  5. After you get the open, you need to keep her interest. Keep it short but sincere. Don’t tell your life story yet. She doesn’t want to hear it right now. Start with a sincere compliment. But don’t over do it. And don’t compliment her on the same thing that 239 other guys have complimented her on before. That won’t get you noticed. She will simply delete your email. I know I would.
  6. Then you wait. If you did it right, she will reply. If you did it wrong, make your approach better with the next girl.

So what do you do next when you get her to reply? How do you keep the conversation going and move it to the next stage? Good questions.

I will have some good answers for you in my next article.

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About Maria

Maria Peña is people connector. She created Real Pinay to connect foreigners with authentic Filipinas for friendship, romance, and perhaps even marriage.





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